I once dared to ask, ‘what would my life be like as an anime.’ Well here it is, all Otaku, very insane, yet so very real. The cold air rushed into my lungs, it was Mother Nature calling me to wake. I stirred, my eyes fluttering wildly. The world still lay sleeping, under its harsh blanket of snow. The beauty of the sparkling plain always captures the hearts of humans, maybe if only for a brief moment.
I delicately sat up, as if I was being pulled up by strings, just another puppet on a predesigned course. My fingers ached from their slumber. Whilst running them through my hair I shivered. Looking around I felt no sense of belonging. This was not the world I had fallen asleep in. This place was different; comforting, colourful and candy like. My room was the same in layout; the demon bat hanging from the ceiling, the leaky window, all the posters of Visual Kei bands still clinging to the walls, the small bed in the corner and the plush kittens and Siberian tigers covering what little space there was. It was all the same, right down to the stacks of manga and Neo. Yet something was wrong. It was if someone had come in whilst I was sleeping and rearranged everything. I grasped at my sheets. They were silk, black silk, with a lace trim. I threw them off, frantically clutching at my bed clothes. They were cotton and silk, black and frilly, with matching ruffle cuffs and anklets. I placed my feet onto the carpet. For the first time in years I could feel the thick fibres between my toes.
Grabbing hold of the wardrobe door knobs I flung the doors open. I began frantically flicking through coat hangers. All my clothes were gone, replaced by Lolita dresses, an elegant combination of lace, cuteness and gothic style. Suddenly there was a low rustle and a soft “mew”. I slowly turned my head, to the sight of a small black kitten scrambling out from the silk sheets. “Mew!” I stretched out my arm towards the little kitten and tickled its chin. It purred gently and offered up a little note. The note unfolded in the palm of my hand. An erupting scent of cherry blossoms filled the air. The note simply said, ‘enjoy yourself, kuroy neko’. I blankly stared at the note. Not thinking a single word. The kitten mewed softly and turned into a plush doll. As it lay silent I turned back towards the wardrobe. All the dresses were black, heavy on the frilly trimmings and too cute for me. With a sigh I reluctantly closed my eyes and shoved my hand towards them, grasping the first that touched my hand. It was delicate, mostly black, with grey lace and blue ribbons and bows.
With my dress on, my hair brushed and new boots buckled and laced, I packed my bag ready for whatever today could throw at me. Downstairs a giant, white box greeted me. Steadily but surely I reached out my hand towards the box and lifted the lid. Inside were 13 muffins, each with delicately iced faces and black currant ears. A small giggle escaped my mouth at the thought of what would happen, for today after all was an art day. And art + cake, was always a funny combination. It was only then I realised how still this house was. I hadn’t gotten up too early; it was nearing the time when we’d usually leave. No one was around. After frantically searching all the rooms in the house and finding all the rooms empty, panic set in. How do I get to school? Where is everyone? My thoughts were shrouded in a thick layer of confusion. This day was getting weirder by the minute and there was no hope of it ceasing anytime soon. Curled up in the window, I found my gaze falling upon my mum’s car. A painful, neon, apple green mecha in a frozen wasteland. Through the mist I could the exhaust moving, and the frozen window revealed the profile of my mother. I grabbed my bag, the box of neko muffins and the plush kitten that seemed to know more than it was letting on. The door opened with surprising ease. It was time to take my first step out into a world that had never met the true me.
My journey in the morning consists of two segments. First we always drive to my sisters school. My sisters quite popular, far more than I will ever be and she has lots of fans, up to now only male fans but they’re crazy regardless. Each time she makes her arrival it’s like a boy band has landed. Screaming everywhere, signs, and people fighting to catch a glance, it’s just another day at Cannon Wood High. We arrive and mum pulls up on the third bus lane. My sister’s boyfriend was stood in wait for her. He was like her knight in shining armour or her personal bodyguard. Every day he fights through the mass of screaming fanboys. He feels no pain as they try to bring him down to get to her, but inside he is filled with pride as he has accomplished his ultimate dream, he is THE BOYFRIEND, and will do anything in his power to stay it.
It was deadly quiet. This was not a good sign. There was a low rumble beneath my feet. A cloud of dust hurtled towards us. And like a troupe of ninjas it engulfed my sister and her boyfriend. Fists were jutting out at all angles. Limbs started to fly. Fanboys were knocked to the ground. They lay arms twitching. The occasional arm stretched out towards the couple as a plea for mercy. With that my mum set off towards college. At that moment my gut turned. I wondered what the other students would make of these strange clothes. I’ve always been teased, and being part of the minority in the college makes me an even easier target. The nerves started to build and I pulled up the collar on my jacket, burying my face in the blue fur.
As we pull up on the front car park I gaze up at the building. The college campus had the same candy like atmosphere I first felt in my room. This was too surreal. Students were smiling. The building felt homey. It was similar to the feeling you get when eating warm, fresh cake. The cosy, greeting I was given when I entered unnerved me. This college isn’t so happy go lucky, and I’ve never been waved at and wished a good day at college. I headed on past the security guard, up the main stairs and into the core of the building. Despite the unusual exterior, this part was still the same, overcrowded, and hard to manoeuvre. The core of the college is identical to a moshpit at a metal concert. Well maybe there’s one difference, there’s no decent music. Within seconds I was swallowed by the mass of students. I can’t move. I’m trapped! I held on to the precious white box, the musty air clogging my lungs. My knees graced the well trodden carpet, scuffing against it’s plastic backing. The shuffling of feet and laughs drove their way into my skull. I gasped for air. Suddenly a pair of arms grabbed hold of me. I was yanked out of the jaws of the moshpit and embraced. It was kitty! My love, and my everything. He shook his head and his hood fell down. My jaw hit the floor. NEKO BOY! What any Otaku girl or guy would dream of. To have your very own neko lover would be the greatest accomplishment, and he’s all mine. Wrapping my arms round him I placed my head against his chest. The sound of his heart beat soothed me and his warm breath on my neck comforted me. And with that moment I knew lesson was due to start and we had to part. He held me tightly, those soft blue eyes could see through the lace and the frills and into the encroaching sadness. Gracefully he planted a kiss upon my nose, and as he drew back his eyes glistened like royal jewels and his whole presence smiled. We parted with no sorrow between us and with his warmth gone I began to dread what may happen next.
I climbed the never ending, spiralling stairs. The lack of oxygen in my lungs caused spikes of pain to shoot across my chest. Screwing my eyes up tight I gasped sharply. Desperately clawing for air, I plodded onwards. Out of all the things they could have changed, and all the pointless things they have changed, THEY LEFT THIS THE SAME! I’d preferred not feeling like I was going to faint when i got to class than being waved at by an over friendly guard dog.
Finally the three storey climb was over. As I reached for the handle to enter the beautiful world of my art room, I felt the air change. The sudden aura change sunk deep in my stomach. There was no fear of what lay ahead. But something felt wrong. What would happen once this door was opened? What had happened in the little piece of heaven beyond? My yearning for knowledge took control of my brain. It was screaming at my hand to move. Slowly but surely the hand began to obey its master. The door handle creaked.I leaped back using the mightiness of my art folder as a shield. I stared at the door, tilted my head, and muttered. “Well that was anti climatic.” Slightly let down, I crept towards the door. ‘Creeak.’ The door flew back, as if I had been in front of that infamous 3rd music room. A current of wind hurtled at me. A soft sound invaded my ears. The air was not cold, it did not pierce, it was not warm either. Nor was it stale. The air was fragrant. It smelled like a far away land, where the sun rises in its people’s hearts. It was as sweet as a cutie Lolita, as if laced with sugar, yet as strong and forgiving as a soldier. It filled my being, comforting my aching wounds. A light reached out wards from the room, bleaching what lay within. I reached out, enjoying the happiness it brought. Rose petals fill the air, embracing me, as if to set me free. I felt my soul tugging me deeper into the light. My entity was free from everything that had ever weighed me down. Floating gracefully, my body floated forwards. I was safe, and nothing would ever hurt me here. The tip of my boot met with the floor of the art room. The desks covered in paintings emerged, like a popup book, then the walls, an finally the outside world returned. I longingly looked over my shoulder; there was no trace of the light, and no petals. All was if someone had just walked into a room. Yet the uplifting feeling remained deep, deep within me.
Colin was sat, monotonously pounding the keys of an overworked keyboard. A sense of boredom hung around him, as if it were a thick dark grey cloud, warning others to stay away. Holding the box of cakes in front of me, I crept towards him, trying not to shatter his focus. As I got closer I could see his eyes were glazed. It was clear he longed to be somewhere else. “Colin?” His head creaked as he looked towards me. I held the box towards him, it was after all an offering to a god. A part of me knew that it was just what he needed. “I have cake,” I muttered nervously. A flash of pure energy shot across his face. His eyes defrosted, and a grin sprang from ear to ear. He was the Cheshire cat in this weird wonderland. The true Colin was finally here. The energy of a small child, the imagination that Hollywood desperately needs, and more craziness than this world could ever have. I placed the offering on his desk, and pulling the delicate bow undone, I released the smell of cake. His hands grabbed the closest neko muffin. It was like watching a child get everything they ever wanted at Christmas. “Cake!” he yelled. He began to do a victory dance around the classroom. Smiling I sat down at my usual table and began to unravel the secrets of the world through my eyes. It was time to open up the flood gates, art has begun.
After art lessons I always seem to feel lighter. Spending time in the art rooms and working there is different to any other lesson. No one can match it. No human could do better. Actually I don’t think a higher form could do better either. They always have an electric atmosphere, not dead and stiff like the others. Any crazy possibility is encouraged. Sanity is condemned and insanity is warmly welcomed, (as well as mounds of cake).
It could be a snow storm outside and yet I’d view it as a brilliant day. My being has been enlightened. The sun was finally shining in my heart, and it was glorious. The courtyard was glowing with energy. The three walls of the campus building towering above, grasping at the sun. on the far side, a grand tree, firmly stood, rooted deep into the ground. My heart skipped to the beat of my feet. The grand tree was inviting me, as if stretching out a branch to swoop me away. Below its golden foliage sat two girls, both whom are familiar to my eyes. One had dark hair the colour of crisp, fresh, coffee beans, yet as smooth as a creamy hot chocolate in winter. Set delicately in her face were two, brown, sparkling jewels. Her brown eyes were filled with joy and care. Her worries far submerged within her past. This is Hayley. A friend with brains whom I can’t deny has a beauty unrivalled. This doesn’t mean I obsess in her radiant beauty. I have seen the fate that has met those who have. I know that is a very bad move to make. We both share an interest in the remains of human forms, and that’s how it will stay.
The other girl sat beside her, had her head deep in yet another text book. Her hair was like spun gold. Soft, delicate, and fine, it fell delicately from behind her ears, brushing against her nose. Her head tilted to one side with practice, and was fully submerged in deep thought, far too deep to bother with trivial matters. This is Stacey, one of Hayley’s close friends and supports. She was the key fighter in the Jimmy fiasco. I sat in front of them. Hayley looked up from nibbling a ham sandwich, she smiled. It was good to see her smile again. Stacey had sensed the change in atmosphere. Her nose twitched and she placed the text book on her lap. She too seemed pleased to see me.
I slid off one of my shoulder straps. I placed my art folder in-between us and used it as a table. I removed a pick nick hamper from within my winged rucksack. I could feel the tree ebbing energy, as if calling out to the other members of our group. I felt a presence looming. Two arms grabbed me around the waist. The warm breath of my love embraced my neck. With my neck tingling, I rested my head on one of the arms. They folded tight around me and I felt kitty sit beside me. His eyes sparkled at the sight of mine. His beautiful brown curls gently fluttering in the mild breeze. They caressed his soft ears and licked the tips of his eyebrows. His neko ears twitched gently as he nuzzled against my cheek. I reached out towards the hamper and cracked open it’s ebony lid. A flood of smells burst from within the hamper. Smells of sweet sugar, juicy fruit, fresh rice, bento and triple Belgium chocolate cookies. Kitty pounced on me, cuddling me tight. Out of all my friends kitty enjoys the weekly Friday pick nick the most.
The insides of the hamper called to us. We all longed to know what it’s delicious and delightful contents were. I placed my hand inside. There was everything we’d need. An Otaku’s delight, and a heaven for anyone. Pink nougat bars, ebi prawn, salmon, and chicken bento packs, cookies, small cakes and fresh gleaming strawberries. I had an urge to reach into the depths of my rucksack once more. My hand came across cold aluminium. Such a substance had not been there before. I grabbed on tight, dragging my arm back, I set the metal free. Six cans emerged from the depths of my rucksack. Four cans of Pepsi and two cans of apple juice. Stacey stared bemused. Hayley picked up my rucksack and flipped it around in her hands, “how did that and the hamper fit in here?” I had nothing to say. I was as confused as she was. I handed out drinks and cookies, then cracked open the ebi prawn bento.
It was a great feeling to eat a meal with friends. But all to soon it drew to a close and it was time to go back home. No matter how crazy, sugary or Otaku this world became, I still hated going home, being away from my love, It was always the worst time and I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to let kitty go. But the energy of the courtyard had gone. Ran away with all my hopes and happiness. It became cold and kitty hugged me one last time. The grand tree wilted and I had to go. I ran through the corridors and the halls. The rucksack holding the hamper and my hand clenched on to my fraying art folder. I was running. Running head to toe in Lolita. Running. Running after my hopes. Chasing the golden sun shine. Why did it have to be now? Is this the end? I leaped towards the light. My hand helplessly reaching out. Trying to grasp on to the dream. I failed and in that moment I became a failure. And I was left in the cold. The world became faded and dull. The happiness was dead, and all I could see was black, harsh, cold, black.